Movement, change, space.
These three are what I like to describe as ‘space’ in my brain. Typically my brain feels like a red hot, tight, spinning vortex which does not feel good. Also, it is hard to think creatively or be vulnerable when my brain is wound up all hot and tight.
But movement? Change? These create space within my brain, a sense of widening… openness. Like a fresh breeze on a hot day. Like the gentle ruffling of linen curtains in the wind. There’s an expansiveness pushes back the forces that seek to make everything small.
And you know what is my favourite thing? Lifting weights. I’ve recently come back into it, I did it in high school but in a different way. I was looking to ‘tone’ so I would lift light weights multiple times. Like 25 reps. Now? Now I life heavy, and it is a juicy experience. I go to a gym that offers personal training in Victoria, and I love it. The owner, Sarah Jane is awesome. A fitness buff who has been in this world ever since she was old enough to move her body. And here, I lift heavy.
I am drawn to lifting heavy especially after having a kid. My birth experience sucked and at some point I hope to write about it to alleviate the pain. But long story short I ended up with an urgent c-section which made it hard to even sit upright in bed. But before? I was running, biking, and working on my yoga inversions. But after? I was crouch over in stiffness and pain, shuffling along my apartment bleeding and crying. Never again.
I think there is something deeply primordial about having your body not be able to do something that you wanted it to do. At least for me, due to having the privilege of a healthy active body literally my whole life. Anytime I requested something from it, it always responded. It was reliable. Strong. Gorgeous. And it created a whole other living person. But afterward? I absolutely never ever want to feel weak and incapable again. Never ever ever ever.
5*5 strong lifts are my jam. It’s where you lift to the point of failure after five reps. Gone are my days of 20+ reps. I now fail at five. Deadlift, squat, and bench press. I also really like the leg press ( I can move serious weight) and for vanity purposes, hip thrusts. My goal here is to become incredibly strong… like f- you strong. So strong that I never experience fear or uncertainty in my body ever again. I also would not mind becoming ripped!
So, lift heavy. Do big compound movements. Because I am postpartum I’m trying to slowly reconstitute my body from flabby to muscle-y. and it’s going to take some time. But I know that each day is a choice, and after a rest day you bet your butt that you can find my in the gym. Strong is the new black.